It was to celebrate the end of a major project – the development of a new luxury report followed by its global media launch. We had collectively spent months of blood, sweat and tears. Now it was time to let our hair down. In style.

We grabbed a glass of champagne and sandwich each and made our way to the red carpet box. As the acrobatics started, so did the assault on our senses.  With every air borne somersault, we clutched the edge of our seats. It was fresh, bold and full of punch.

Not unlike a Chaat, I thought to myself as we left the venue mesmerised by the production. [Do I never stop thinking about food??] These spicy and tangy snacks are the mainstay of street food vendors and tea parties back home. The word literally means “to lick” or relish. It’s impossible not to, with the explosion of flavours on offer.

I went out and bought Papdi (pronounce paap-ri), the flat flour biscuits, that are layered with boiled potatoes, yogurt to make Papdi Chaat. Spicy tamarind sauce, written about here by my friend Rosie, and coriander chutney give the dish a kick. Along with a sprinkling of pungent spices and topping of crushed crispy fried noodles or Sev.

Unlike the modern circus, this required no special skill. Just a specialist shopping trip.

Feeds 2-3:

• 16 Papdis
• 4 medium potatoes
• 500gm low fat natural yogurt
• 50gm little black chick peas or kala channa
• Half tsp chilli powder
• Half tsp black salt
• One tsp whole cumin
• Two tsp Sev or Bhujia

Coriander chutney

• 40gm or large handful of fresh coriander
• 1 green finger chilli
• Juice of 1 lime
• Salt to taste

Tamarind sauce

• 2 inch ball of tamarind
• 5 tbsp  boiling water
• 2 tsp brown sugar
• Half tsp black pepper
• Half tsp black salt

Soak the tamarind in the boiling water mixed with the sugar and rest of the spices. Next boil the potatoes and crush into little bite-sized pieces. I just peeled, chopped them and microwaved them covered for 7 minutes on high.

Next, puree the coriander with the rest of the chutney ingredients until you get a smooth paste. Strain the tamarind of its juices two times until you get a thick, sweet and sour sauce.

Now it’s a simple assembly job. Place the Papdis in a single layer on a plate. Spread the crushed potatoes  and kala channa on top, then pour over the whipped yogurt, sprinkle the spices, spoon the chutney and drizzle the tamarind sauce.

Finish with a sprinkling of the Sev or Bhujia and enjoy the colours, textures and flavours immediately before the Papdis soften. I served this with sparkling grape juice and birthday cake to a friend.

Oops.

I wasn’t quite planning to throw myself the biggest Indian-themed birthday party ever. Am I the only one who gets more excited about growing old, grey and wrinkly with every passing year?

Still, no time to back out now. Hubby and I made an urgent dash to stock up on an evening’s supply of champagne, spirits and vino. We sourced proper glasses from the merchant. And I dispatched him to buy my birthday cake, while I cleaned the new black lacquer cake stand and practiced my coy, surprised look to perfection in front of the mirror.

Food, of course, was on top of mind. I certainly wasn’t going to spend critical beauty-routine time to cook a three-party curry dinner or fashion three different kinds of kebabs. So I improvised on supermarket bought basics to dish up:

1. Cocktail sausages with a vindaloo glaze
2. Vol au vents with a keema filling inspired by Mandira
3. Cucumber and mint raita with mini naans

Hubby bought not just one, but two cakes. My Domestic Goddess friend and little sis arrived early to help. I downloaded the best play list since Now 71. And we had the best ever evening in months.

Mark Twain said “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Quite.

Feeds 40:

Vindaloo cocktail sausages

• 1 kg raw cocktail sausages
• 8 cloves garlic
• 1.5 inch ginger
• 2 tsps cumin seeds
• 2 tsp coriander seeds
• 2 tsps mustard seeds
• 5 dry red chillies
• 10 peppercorns
• 2 inches cinnamon
• 5 cloves
• Half cup cider or white wine vinegar
• Salt to taste

Grind all the spices together with the ginger, garlic and vinegar. Taste and add salt to your preference. Smother the cocktail sausages with this marinade and leave to sit for an hour or two.

Line a baking tray with foil and cook a layer of sausages under a medium hot grill for 10 minutes. Then turn over the sausages and cook for another 10 minutes. Discard any excess oil that escapes, saving the marinade, and spoon into microwaveable bowls or plates. When you’re ready to serve them out, reheat in the microwave for three minutes and bring out the tomato ketchup!

Keema Vol Au Vents

• 60 frozen Vol Au Vent cases or 8 sheets of puff pastry
• 1 egg
• 750gm beef or lamb mince
• 2 inch ginger
• 6 garlic cloves
• 1 large onion
• 2 tbsp tomato puree
• 2 tbsp Greek or thick yogurt
• 2 tsp coriander
• 2 tsp cumin
• 1.5 tsp chilli powder
• 1 tsp turmeric powder
• 1 tsp garam masala
• 25gm fresh coriander
• 2 tbsp oil
• Salt to taste

Make the keema filling first. Chope the nion, ginger and garlic finely and puree the ginger and garlic.

Bring the oil to heat over a high flame in a large pot. When it’s hot, fry the onion, ginger and garlic until golden brown. Then stir in the spice powders and fry for another five minutes until you can see oil appearing on the sides of the paste.

If the masala sticks to the bottom of the pot, just add a little hot water and scrape off. Now add the tomatoe puree and the yogurt and fry for another five minutes stirring viciously until it’s all well mixed. Next, add in the mincemeat and jab it with the spoon to brown it with the masalas.

Add half a cup of water and simmer for 20 minutes until the meat is cooked through. Finaly, stir in salt and the coriander leaves.

Before your guests arive, brush the vol au vent cases lightly with beaten egg. If using sheets of pastry, cut each one in 8 even rectangles and brush as above. Then cook for 15-20 minutes in a hot oven until puffed up and golden brown. Fill each pastry case with a tablespoon of keema, arrange on platters and wait until your guests arrive to impress.

We tucked into smoked salmon sandwiches, pasta salad, little cakes and my Hariyali Tikkis – pea, spinach and potato croquettes. And then the play began.

The actors ranted and raved on stage, delivering dialogues like a off-target arrows. A bizarre, masked fairy dance broke up the delirium. A surreal pantomime and tango performance weaved their way into the improvised script. Sending the audience into peals of laughter.

This was Midsummer Night’s Dream?

Funnily enough, I’d lost my sense of humour. It was freezing cold. I was in the middle of nowhere. Dressed ridiculously in my Dorothy-esque red kitten heels and borrowed fleece. Watching a bunch of monkeys butchering Shakespeare. While cows mooed in the fields beyond.

The final straw was when the actors requested picnic leftovers at the end of the performance. The cheek! While Shakespeare was turning in his grave! I grabbed the six leftover Hariyali Tikkis and ran to the car before anyone could say “wherefore art thou”.

Inspired by this recipe, the Tikkis tasted much better than they looked, were super healthy and not too painstaking to make for 17 people. I used frozen spinach and peas but you could just as well use the fresher variety.

They were the true stars of the evening, if you ask me.

Feeds 15-20:

• 1kg frozen spinach
• 1kg frozen peas
• 7 large white potatoes
• 2 tbsp cornflour
• 3 inches ginger
• 40gm fresh coriander leaves
• 3 green finger chillies
• Salt to taste
• 3 tbsp oil

Cook the peas and spinach according to pack instructions or simmer in boiled water for 5 minutes each until soft. Peal, quarter and boil the potatoes until they fall apart when prodded with a fork.

Drain the spinach of water by squeezing it well in your hands. Then put all the vegetables in a large mixing bowl and leave to cool.

Next peel the ginger and mince with the green finger chillies. Chope up the coriander and add all three ingredients to the mixing bowl with the cornflour, and salt to your taste. Mash the whole lot together with your hands. Check for salt and add more if needed.

Stick this mixture in your fridge to cool and dry out until you’re ready to cook the Tikkis. When you are, preheat the grill to a high heat and line a baking sheet with kitchen foil. Take one tablespoon of oil and spread it evenly on the base of the tray.

Then make even-sized balls with the mixture, flatten them to shape 1.5 inch discs and place them on the tray leaving a small gap between each. Cook for 12 minutes on each side until the Tikkis are pale brown on both sides.

You need to be careful when flipping them over as they’ll be soft to the touch and hot. If they fall apart, just shape them again in the tray. Needless to say, you could just shallow fry them but this will take longer and use more oil.

Repeat with another batch until all the mixture is used up. As you leave them on a platter to cool, they will harden and hold together better.

I served these cold with Dhaniya Pudina chutney and they were a huge hit.

Like food wastage. Is it just me or is there a lot being written about it lately?

I’ve been gripped because I care deeply about food wastage. But both time and my brain cells fail occasionally. And there is a point of no return when it comes to even the best of ingredients.

So when I got back from work and opened the fridge to rescue the soon to go green rump steak, the leftover cheese and white bread stared right back at me. I was racked with guilt.

Shoving the steak in the oven to slow roast, I poured myself a G&T and got work on an old recipe from my maternal granny – Cheese Rolls. I virtually grew up on this teatime snack of chilli cheese and bread bites, which are filling and wonderfully addictive.

Also shallow fried. But what’s a few tablespoons of oil when you’re saving the world by default?

If that’s not enough try a simple pulao, vegetable sabzi or a great big curry that you can enjoy even more a day later.
Feeds 3-4:

• 10 slices of white bread
• 100 gm medium cheddar cheese
• 3 green chillies, chopped
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 egg
• 2 tbsp plain white flour
• 6 tbsp sunflower oil
• Salt to taste

Slice the crusts off the white bread. In a large mixing bowl, grate the cheese. Add the bread, chillies and onions.

Wet your hand well and squeeze the mixture together, repeating the process until you get a smooth and hard dough. Shape into a large sausage and break into eight equal pieces. With your hands, roll into little sausages/croquettes and lay on the edges of a plate.

Beat the egg in a small bowl and add the flour to the centre of the plate. Now bring the oil to heat over a high flame.

Finally, roll each little bite into the flour, then dip evenly in the egg and fry in two batches until golden brown all over. Serve with ketchup and eat hot, hot, hot.

Called Love Songs, this film has more coy, eyelash flutter action than I can shake a chappati at.

Following her eldest sister’s somewhat half-baked example, the little one is setting YouTube alight with lilting tunes and romantic distant stares.

To think the former bald midget is a mighty superstar in the making… I am beyond myself with excitement!

Check her out here.

Some of you will remember that she went on some crazed “eat nothing but lemons” diet for months to turn size zero before filming.

Thankfully, good sense has prevailed. She is back to looking normal and eating properly. In fond remembrance of her dieting days, here’s a stupidly low-fat party dip.

Because she’s worth it.

Feeds 10 (with other nibbles):

• 2 large aubergines
• 4 tbsp low fat natural yogurt
• 1 large dry red chilli
• 1 tsp whole cumin
• 1 tsp sunflower oil

Spread the oil between your palms and coat the two aubergines evenly. On an open flame, roast them both turning regularly until soft and charred on the outside. Hold on to the head of the aubergine with tongs or a fork. This takes no longer than five minutes per aubergine.

If this is too fiddly just roast them instead in a hot oven (200 degrees centigrade) for about 20 minutes.

While the aubergine sits, dry roast the chilli and cumin in a small pan. Crush the cumin finely. I had some of this leftover from an earlier recipe, but you can use your coffee grinder or pestle and mortar.

Peel the charred skin off the aubergines and mash them with the whole red chilli, cumin, yogurt and salt.

Serve with warm readymade naan or parathas for dunking.

I know. I swore I would never cater again after the last experience.

But he asked so nicely. And the other option was hastily planned dinner cooked by his other friend.

I arrived with a bright yellow Selfridges bag filled with the goodies. The guests inspected the contents with interest.

Murgh hara tikka. Oooh!

Vegetable kebabs. Nice.

Roasted aubergine dip. Interesting…

Tesco Supermarket Naan?!?

There really is no pleasing some people…

The vegetable kebabs were the alter ego of quick cooking and will NEVER feature on this site. But the Murgh Hara Tikkas were a resounding success. Worth getting out of bed for, standing in the firing line and more.

Serve these creamy soft kebabs with a spicy mint and coriander chutney to make a decent impression.

Feeds 10-15:

Murgh Hara Tikka

• 1.5 kgs chicken breast
• 140 ml sour cream
• 4 tbsp thick, full fat natural yogurt
• 2 tbsp coriander seeds
• 2 tbsp fennel seeds
• 6 cloves
• 6 green cardamoms
• Quarter tsp freshly-grated nutmeg
• 2 tbsp meat tenderiser
• Handful of fresh coriander leaves
• 2 green chillies
• 2 tbsp sunflower oil
• Salt to taste

Dhaniya Pudina chutney

• 125 gm fresh coriander leaves
• 125 gm fresh mint leaves
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 3 green finger chillies
• Salt to taste

Preheat the oven to 190 degrees centigrade (400 degrees Fahrenheit).

Cut the chicken breasts into large bite-sized chunks. Normally I never use chicken breasts, but these are going to be beaten into submission with the tenderiser and marinade.

Sprinkle the whole spices onto a baking tray and heat for a minute. Turn the oven off. Then blitz the spices in a food processor with all the ingredients bar the oil and tenderiser. Add salt to make a strong marinade.

In a bowl, mix together all the ingredients and leave to sit for an hour or as long as you can. When you are ready to go, preheat the oven again and bake for 10 minutes on either side.

While the chicken is cooking, make the chutney. Discard the hard stalks on the herbs and puree all the ingredients together to make a spicy, tangy green sauce.

Arrange the kebabs around a little pot of chutney and enjoy hot or cold.

Along with sorting my festive glam outfit (red tights are so in) I’ve been in deep thought about Christmas nibbles.

Festive snacks, it seems, are the mainstay of keen chefs and gluttons for punishment only. I am neither. You so won’t catch me wrapping 50 tiger prawns with 50 slices of prosciutto or fashioning 50 little kebabs to shallow fry in batches.

Just thinking about it is exhausting…

I will be sitting in front of the roaring fire instead. Hurling abuse at my siblings. Glass of winter Pimms in one hand. Whopping everyone at Pictionary with the other.

As if by luck, Santa came early this year. And he brought just the thing I needed for inspiration, a wonderful cookbook titled Modern Indian Cooking.

Written by Vikas Khanna and Hari Nayak, two US-based Indian chefs, this cookbook does exactly what it says on the tin. There’s no “let’s put Indian ingredients together and pretend it’s what we grew up on” malarky. This is an unashamed tribute to the recipes your mother didn’t cook at home. Like almond crusted roast leg of lamb and peppers stuffed with coriander coconut cream.

I made the superb prawns with a tamarind glaze, which will definitely feature at Christmas. Two hours of marinating, three minutes of shallow frying give you one large plateful of lick-your-plate-clean prawns.

My kind of Christmas snacking. Ho Ho Ho…

This recipe feeds 6:

500 gm large prawns, shelled and cleaned (I defrosted a bag of frozen ones)

1 tsp ginger, minced

4 tsp garlic, minced

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tbsp tamarind paste

1 tsp chilli powder

Half tsp turmeric powder

1 tbsp plain white flour

Salt to taste

4 tbsp vegetable oil

One lemon

Wash and dry the prawns. Mix with all the ingredients (bar the lemon juice) and two tablespoons of oil. Leave to marinate for about two hours.

When ready to eat, shallow fry the prawns in the remaining oil on ether side for two to three minutes turning once during cooking. Pile up high on a large white platter and squeeze the lemon juice all over.

PS = This is my entry for Zlamushka’s Spoonful of Christmas event on the grounds that the marinade (and cookbook) will make an excellent present.

PPS = Does this mean I have made it to my first blog event this year? Does it? Better late than never…

1. No green bananas

Okay, so I need to ditch vegetable kebabs in favour of vegetarian shammi kebabs.

2. Soggy dough

I’m more likely to plaster walls with this than fashion 40 little nibbles.

3. One hour to party

My nails smell of ginger. Hair smells of onions. Glitter vest needs ironing…

I don’t ever want to hear the words “Madhur”, “Jaffrey” and “perfect” spoken in the same sentence.

Panic stricken and distraught, I flung half a cup of flour into the dough, greased two shallow baking trays, spooned in the dough and stuck the whole lot into the grill.

A bloodcurdling “honeeeeeeeey” drafted the man in to help, while I jumped into the shower, squeezed into skinny jeans, did my make up and skipped back into the kitchen.

I arrived at the party on time, as cool as my cucumber raita. And mother of all suprises – the vegetable and lentil bites (as they had now been christened) were the biggest hit of the evening!

Glass of vino is one hand, I lapped up the praise, claiming they had been ridiculously simple to make from a recipe I had been using for years.

Perfection. Just the way I like it.

This recipe makes enough for 20:

250 gm channa dal (yellow gram lentils)

2 medium onions, roughly chopped

3 inch ginger, grated or chopped fine

8 cloves

2 inch cinnamon

4 bay leaves

1 tsp whole black pepper

6 large potatoes, peeled

4 large carrots

Half cup plain white four

125 gm fresh coriander, chopped

Salt to taste

2 tbsp sunflower oil

Wash the lentils thoroughly until the water runs clean. In a large pot bring the lentils to boil with the whole spices, onion and ginger. Cook until you can squish the lentil pieces easily.

I pressure cooked the whole lot for 10 minutes, after the first whistle.

In the meantime, boil the potatoes and carrots until a fork can be inserted through them easily.

Drain both the lentils and the vegetables. Remove all the visible whole spices from the lentils and combine it with the vegetables in the larger pot. Add the fresh coriander, pepper, flour and salt and mash well until you get a semi smooth dough.

Pre heat the grill to a medium heat (gas mark 5, 190 degrees). Line a shallow baking tray with kitchen foil and grease lightly with a tablespoon of oil. Spoon and smooth the dough evenly into the baking tray.

Grill for 15 minutes on one side. Cover the tray with a wire rack, flip the dough over and place back into the tray to cook the other side for another 15 minutes.

Leave the whole lot to cool, cutting into bite-sized bits when ready. This is ideally served with dhaniya pudina or mint and coriander chutney.

Recipe for mint and coriander chutney:

150 gm fresh mint

250 gm coriander leaves

Juice of 1 lemon

4 green finger chillies

1 tbls natural yogurt

Quarter pint water

Salt to taste

In a food processor, blend the whole lot. Adjust according to taste so if it’s too lemony add a handful more herbs and if it’s too spicy add a bit more yogurt. Chutney rules don’t apply.

On the surface, it seemed like a bloody brilliant idea. I would cook. My colleagues would eat. I would win employee of the month.

Three grocery trips later, I realised my mistake. Feeding 20 hungry but weight-conscious PR people is tricky on most days. A Thursday night is pushing it…

Worse still, the jokes were on me:

“Chez Mallika”

“Looking forward to a Mallika kebab”

“I’m going to Buckingham Balti instead”

But there was no way out. I decided on a selection of nibbles that would be easy to cook and fill hungry stomachs at the same time:

• Murgh Malai Kebabs – boneless cubes of chicken baked in a double cream, cheese, yoghurt and saffron marinade
• Aloor daum – New potatoes in a spicy, sweet and sour masala
• Vegetable kebabs – Grilled lentils and vegetable bites cooked with whole spices, ginger and onions

With two dips and strips of readymade naan, I was ready to stage the Mallika show.

The trick, I have learnt, is to make nibbles that don’t need to be shaped or cooked in small batches and can be served cold. Keep them simple and bake/grill/stir fry large quantities instead.

Also, rope in a pefectly domestic colleague to help serve.

Another to pour you a glass of chilled wine.

The third to lavish generous praise on you.

Finally, get drunk and pass out before you notice whether anyone is actually eating anything.

Next time someone has a party, I’ll keep my big mouth shut. If I don’t – shoot me will you?

Recipe for Murgh Malai Kebab to serve 20:

3 kg boneless chicken breasts

500 gm thick yogurt

568 ml double/heavy cream

300 gm cream cheese

Half a nutmeg

1 tsp saffron, soaked in 1 tbsp hot water

3 tsp meat tenderiser

6 inches ginger

Cloves of 1 garlic bulb

6 green finger chillies

3 tbsp sunflower oil

salt to taste

Puree the garlic, ginger, green chillies with the oil in a blender. Cut the chicken into chunks slightly larger than bite sized, bearing in mind that they will shrink as they cook.

In a large bowl, mix all the ingredients apart from the chicken. Taste it to make sure the marinade is a pungent mixture, as it will lose some of its strong flavour when cooked.

Now, add the chicken and coat it evenly with the marinade. Leave it for at least two hours. I did this on the Tuesday to save preparation time on the Wednesday before the party.

Just before you need them, preheat the oven to gas mark 5 or 190 degrees centigrade. Line three baking trays with the chicken and cook the chicken in two batches for about 20 minutes each.

When cooked, the chicken will be cooked through with a warm brown surface. You may have to rotate the trays to make sure each of them gets a chance in the hotetst part of the over (the top).

Pile them up on to a platter and serve with dhaniya pudina chutney, mint and coriander sauce. Recipe to follow.

Recipe for aloor daum to serve 20:

3 kg small, new potatoes

6 tomatoes, chopped fine

3 inches ginger, chopped or grated

3 tsp turmeric powder

3 tsp chilli powder

Half tsp asafoetida

3 tsp garam masala

6 tbsp thick natural yogurt

Salt to taste

3 tbsp sunflower oil

In a large wok or karhai, bring the oil to heat over a high flame. When the oil is hot, add the asafoetida.

As it sizzles, add the tomatoes, the ginger and all powders bar the garam masala. Stir for five minutes until the tomatoes disintegrate and the raw smell of the spices gives way to a more pleasing, subtle aroma.

Now add the yogurt and stir vigorously for another five minutes until it is well incorporated with the masalas.

Now stir in the potatoes, mixing the masalas well into them. Add salt at this stage as well.

Next, add a cup of hot water, cover the wok and leave the potatoes to cook and the curry to dry up. You need to lift the lid every couple of minutes and give the potatoes a good stir.

When the curry is completely dry and a fork can be inserted through the potatoes easily, the dish is ready. Mix in the garam masala and take the wok off the flame.

This dish is spicy and infinitely more delicious when served the next day.

PS = Needless to say, the potatoes were not nearly as popular as the rest of the nibbles as obviously fatty carbs. Little did the PR folk know that the chicken had been cooked with cream and cream cheese. Ouch…

To make matters worse, the summer sales are in full swing. After a day on totalnightmare.com, I started making my way to a trendy south London pub. With a summer goose feather and duck down (or is it the other way around) duvet and a red plastic bag with S-A-L-E emblazoned across the front.

It’s sooooo hard to be glamorous all the time…

Unsurprisingly, the pleasant people on London’s peak hour public transport gave me looks of “what the hell” as I dashed down the escalators towards a vodka lemonade.

I give them Tangri Kebab.

Tangri kebabs are grilled chicken drumsticks steeped in fresh mint, coriander, lemon and yogurt. Deliciously juicy and tender on the inside, they are coated with a lovely flavorful marinade on the outside.

And the best thing about them – they don’t need a drop of oil to cook!

This recipe takes half an hour of quick Indian cooking in two halves. The first five minutes is for marinating the chicken and the 20 minutes on the following day is what you need to cook them.

It takes a bit of organisation, I know, but I had enough time to plan it all while avoiding evils on the underground.

This recipe serves 4:

12 chicken drumsticks, skinned

4 heaped tbsp low fat natural yogurt

3 inches ginger

9 fat cloves garlic

12.5 gm fresh mint leaves

4 thin green chillies

25 gm fresh coriander, hard stalks cut off

Salt to taste

Juice of 1 lemon

In a blender, puree the yogurt, ginger, garlic, mint leaves, chillies and coriander. Add enough salt to make it an extra strong marinade for the chicken.

Now take a large mixing bowl and place the chicken drumsticks in it, making deep sideways gashes on either side of each piece.

Spoon over the marinade and drizzle the lemon juice all over them. Leave them to sit in the fridge for as along as possible – overnight in my case.

Take them out of the fridge at least two hours before you are ready to cook. Half an hour before you want to eat, heat the grill to 190 degrees Centigrade, gas mark 5 or 375 Fahrenheit.

Place the drumsticks down flat with a distance of a centimetre between them. Heat on each side for five minutes, with a total cooking time of 20 minutes.

In the meantime, bring the leftover marinade to boil and then simmer for five minutes. You can mix the juices from the drumsticks in the grill into this for a spicy and tangy chutney to accompany the kebabs.

Just superb on their own or with a salad.