Something unusual happened to me recently. A new friendship turned ugly. Nasty accusations got made. Yours truly got to play chief antagonist in a real-life Lindsay Lohan drama.

Normally, I’d take a whiff and move on. But my testosterone levels have sunk to record lows lately. I blame motherhood. So I cried copious tears, while cradling a bottle of vino and ranting down the phone to an unsuspecting close friend.

A whole hour later I realised the poor man had slid off to watch TV. Not wishing to bother him with my theatrics, I plonked myself on the sofa pleasantly enquiring about the sword-wielding blonde gracing the silver screen.

It’s Kill Bill, he said. A movie about a woman who is betrayed by everyone she loves and trusts. Cue: more floods of tears followed by a prompt end to the day.

Sometimes in life you need things that just work. Like unconditional love. Solid friendships. Trusted kitchen appliances. Failsafe recipes. The things that you care for dearly. That take anything you throw at them. Last forever. And can be relied upon come rain or shine.

This recipe is one that has survived through thick and thin with me. Quick dinner for sister. Check. Lunch for toddler playdate. Check. Centre piece for dinner party. Check check. I’ve left the peas out once, taken the tomatoes out another time and used yoghurt instead, mixed in some fresh coriander and each time the result is tremendous.

The trick is to cook the rice separately while the prawn masala bubbles away and then mix the two together. This is cheating, of course (this isn’t), but it speeds up the cooking time dramatically and the end result is almost foolproof in its fluffy perfection.

To be eaten with true friends and plain yoghurt. Naturally.

Feeds 4:

• 350gm uncooked Basmati rice
• 250gm raw prawns
• Half pint glass of shelled peas
• 1 large onion
• 2 tomatoes
• 1 inch ginger and 4 garlic cloves
• 1 tsp turmeric powder
• Half tsp chilli powder
• 1 tsp whole cumin
• 2 black cardamoms
• 1 inch stick cinnamon
• 1 large bay leaf
• 2 tbsp oil (go on use ghee if you fancy it…)
• Salt to taste

Wash the rice and cook it in a large pan or rice cooker. In the meantime, slice the onion finely, mince finely or puree the ginger and garlic together and wash and clean the prawns. Unless they are ready prepared like the ones I use!

In a large pan, bring the oil/ghee to heat over a high flame. When it’s hot, add the whole spices and as they sizzle up the onions, ginger and garlic. Saute the whole lot for about five minutes until it starts going golden, then roughly chop the tomato and throw it in along with the turmeric and chilli powders.

Fry this lot for about five minutes, then simmer for another five. Next, stir in the prawns with the peas and cook until the prawns go pink and firm. Add salt now and check to make sure it’s well salty. Then simply stir in the cooked rice and serve.

You can add other vegetables like peas, potatoes, cauliflower just make sure they are cooked when you mix the rice in. Also, if using yoghurt use a full fat version and add it instead of the tomatoes.

Front row London Fashion Week: Curry.

Birthday party in neighbourhood local: Curry.

When sis offered her services for an old friend’s shock wedding I knew I had to pull the stops out.

I made for the farmer’s market. Followed by lunch in a Polish caf with mini Basu, the man, his crazy younger bro and friends.  Then made a pit stop into a boutique to buy an entire outfit for the evening. While mini Basu slobbered on the season’s latest polyester offerings. The bro offered unsolicited fashion advice and the man faked a fainting spell.

Luckily, the recipe wasn’t going to finish me off altogether. Durga Puja, the annual Bengali religious calendar event was on. The dish was going to an old family favourite – Maacher Jhol – the famous Bengali fish curry.

Aromatic and light, it didn’t render me fishy. Sis said it made her teary – with happiness. Bro declared it was the best fish he had ever tasted. Both offered endless nights of babysitting.

It pays to cook Indian. Quite.

Feeds 2:

• 350gm meaty white fish (I used Rock fish)
• Half tsp panch phoron
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 tbsp coriander powder
• 1 tsp cumin powder
• 1 tsp turmeric powder
• Half tsp chilli powder
• 4 green chillies
• Salt to taste
• 4 tbsp mustard oil

Slice the fish into one inch thick slices and rub in half a teaspoon of salt and half the turmeric. Bring the oil to heat on high in a large frying pan and fry the fish slices for a minute on either side to seal.

Remove them with a slotted spoon and chuck in the bay leaf and panch phoron. As they sizzle up, mix the spice powders into a mug of hot water and pour into the pan. Let this bubble up and then cook on a medium heat for 10 minutes.

Next, gently lower the fish pieces into the curry. Slit the green chillies and add them along with salt to your taste. Cover for about five minutes until the fish is cooked through. Serve with hot steamed rice or an easy dal like I did for simple pleasure.

Life hasn’t changed very much since the big discovery. The first three things that came to mind were stretch marks, weight gain and childcare (in no particular order).

I immediately invited hubby and and myself over to our Parsi neighbour’s for dinner. A shoe entrepreneur and mother of two tiny tearaways, she is grand dame of the great art of parenting delegation.

While we talked shoes and nannies, her daughter clambered all over me. As we moved on to discussing Parsi recipes I started being pelted with cashewnut missiles, which landed all over my freshly-washed hair.

My neighbour carried on unnerved. This is war, I wanted to scream and hurl a few almonds myself.

Instead, I turned and gave hubby a nervous look, is it too late?

He responded with a pale smile, I told you so.

Thankfully bedtime arrived and we were left in wonderful silence to enjoy dinner. My neighbour kindly lent me her mother’s 101 Parsi Cookbook. I recreated the oil free Patra Ni Macchi we ate – fish marinated in coconut and herbs steamed in banana leaf parcels – for a raucous dinner with friends at home later.

That, thankfully, I could cope with. 

Feeds 6:

• 6 fish fillets (I used rainbow trout, pomfret works well too)
• 6 tbsp grated coconut (I use the fresh frozen version available in Oriental stores)
• 50gm fresh coriander leaves
• 6 green chillies
• 25gm fresh mint leaves
• 3 cloves garlic
• 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice
• Salt to taste
• 6 large banana leaves 

Cut each fish fillet into half and wash well. Repeat this process with the banana leaves, taking care not to split the delicate stuff.

Grind all the rest of the ingredients together into a paste and add salt to taste. 

Place each fish fillet on a banana leaf and smother the top with the chutney paste. Then wrap it like a gift parcel and set aside. You don’t need to tie it with thread because the steaming process later seals the parcel shut anyway.

When you’re ready to eat, steam each banana leaf parcel for 7-10 minutes. The fish should be moist but cooked through. I worked out how many minutes by opening one parcel to check first.

This is a wonderful way to impress guests alongside a Dhansak. Or simply serve with Khichdi for a super healthy meal.

I sat around doing nothing. Feasting on Ostrich steak and home made apple strudel. Every offer of washing up, cooking and tidying being brutally rejected.

I felt stuffed. Indulged. Empty.

Three further consecutive meals out and I simply had to reinstate myself in the kitchen with a reassuringly fiddly though easy recipe.

Fish fry is what I settled on – a traditionally deep fried, spicy, breaded fish fillet. In my kitchen, they would be grilled.

So I changed into a comfy pair of shorts, took one last look at my fluorescent manicured fingernails and plunged into an assembly line of fish marinade and coatings.

Ten minutes of dipping, patting and 20 minutes of grilling and felt complete again. Now, when’s my next dinner party?

Feeds 2:

• 275gm or 2 skinless and boneless white fish fillets (I used Basa, Cod works well too)
• 2 green finger chillies
• 75gm white onion
• 3 garlic cloves
• 1 inch ginger
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 egg
• 100gm plain flour
• Breadcrumbs
• 2-3 tbsp oil

In a blender puree the onion, green chillies, ginger and garlic together with the salt. Coat each fillet on both sides with this marinade and leave to sit.

Now, establish the assembly line. First, turn the grill on to a high heat (220 degrees centigrade normal or 200 degrees centigrade fan assisted).

Then line a flat baking tray that’ll fit your fillets with kitchen foil and smooth the oil on top of it. Next, in a flat bowl whip up the egg, and add half the flour on one plate and four tablespoons of breadcrumbs on another.

Line the flour, egg, breadcrumbs and baking tray up on the cooker. Now cut each fish fillet into half through the middle, widthwise.

Dip each side of it into the flour patting to coat evenly so no onion mixture is exposed. Then the egg and finally the breadcrumbs. You need to make sure that it coats evenly each time and then lay on the baking tray.

Repeat this process until you have four breaded fish fillets. Then grill, flipping over to the other side mid way, for 20 minutes until you have golden brown and crisp fish fillets.

Try this with fresh lemon wedges, a summer salad and some tomato chutney for a quirky and healthy TV meal.

Buying fish does not come naturally to me. As a little girl, I had bad eyesight and thick pink spectacles aged barely eight.

The cure, according to the local optician, was to eat fish. Lots of it. This was a sign from above by my Bengali fish-loving family, who proceeded to force feed me the stuff. Little bones and all.

22 years later, I see the sense in eating fish occasionally. But the familiar quiver in my knee-high boots returns at every fish counter.

“I want to buy fish,” the blonde began. “But I don’t want anything that smells fishy. Or has bones. Or tastes too fishy either. Actually, I’m a salmon kinda gal.”

Great, I thought. This was going to be really simple. I’ll have what she’s having, as long as it won’t fall apart in a curry.

I think the guy shot me an evil. But I scurried off, like a true Bengali all set to make doi maach or yoghurt fish curry. This was a must-have at weddings and social functions at home and cooked traditionally with Rui or carp. I used skate, which worked beautifully in this sweet and spicy curry and had all the above plus a meaty texture.

If you can’t beat them, you gotta join them right?

Feeds 4:

• 2 large pieces of skate, halved
• 2 large onions
• 1 inch fresh ginger
• Half tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp chilli powder
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 green chillies
• 1 tbsp raisins
• Half tsp garam masala (optional)
• 1 tsp sugar
• 350 gm thick natural yogurt (Greek or full fat version)
• 1 tsp all purpose flour
• 2 tbsp mustard oil
• 2 tbsp sunflower oil
• Salt to taste

Wash the fish well and marinate with the turmeric and chilli powder, some salt and leave to sit in a mixing bowl.

Slice one onion finely and puree the other with the ginger. Then bring the sunflower oil to heat over a high flame in a heavy bottomed and preferably non-stick frying pan.

When the oil starts sizzling, fry the fish pieces gently on either side until pale brown and well sealed. Now remove them onto to a plate.

Next, add the mustard oil to the pan and bring it to heat over a high flame. When it starts sizzling, add the bay leaf and almost immediately the sliced onions.

Fry this, stirring regularly until the onions yellow from the turmeric fish marinade starts going golden brown on the edges.

At this stage, mix in the pureed onion and ginger. Stir like a maniac on a high flame, helping the whole lot turn a pale golden colour. You will need to keep adding two tablespoons of water at a time to prevent the masalas from sticking to the bottom of the pan.

This takes a good 20 minutes and don’t give up too early or the dish will taste raw at the end. While the onion masala cooks, beat the yogurt with an equal amount of warm water, the sugar and flour. This will prevent it from splitting.

When the onion stops smelling raw and pungent and takes on a brown colour, lower the flame to low for two minutes. Stir in the yogurt and the green chillies and simmer until the curry has an even pale, golden colour.

Add this stage, lower the fish into the curry, sprinkle the garam masala and raisins and leave to simmer until oil reappears through little pores on top of the curry.

Serve with rice cooked with a tablespoon of ghee for an authentic touch.

PS = This is my second entry to Sandeepa’s Bengali food event. I will stop now. Promise!

Sundays are the only time I’m quiet , reflective. Recovering from the ravages of Saturday night. Quietly freaking out about looming deadlines. Uncle Roy’s impending charity Indian ball. Christmas. Anything, really.

Hubby sits beside me having a crap movie fest, cherishing the rare silence. As my father-in-law tactfully put it, the only time the Basu sisters are quiet is when they are hungry or asleep.

How true. For I was craving something super healthy. But, far too fagged out to stir onions.

I remembered the banana leaves in the freezer. In a fit of total idiocy, I bought a massive pack when I really needed two leaves. Leaving no room in the drawer for essentials like frozen parathas and ice cream.

It was time to put them to good use with macher paturi, fish smothered in mustard, coriander and chilli, wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. It’s served on special occasions like weddings in West Bengal.

Wrenching myself away from the riveting Holloywood blockbuster that is Elektra, I returned 20 minutes later with a full plate and smug smile. I was going to be ready for that deep, meaningful conversation soon.

This recipe serves 2:

2 boneless and preferably skinless cod fillets

60 gm fresh coriander leaves

4 tsp wholegrain mustard

4 tsp mustard oil

4 small green finger chillies

2 green banana leaves

Salt to taste

Bring the kettle to boil with two cups of water. In a blender, puree all the ingredients with a teaspoon of water to get a light, grainy paste. Add enough salt to make it a strong marinade.

Smother the surface of each cod fillet with this paste and place on a washed banana leaf. Make a parcel, folding the leaf over each fillet evenly.

Place in a steamer (I used a covered colander over a pot) and steam for about 12 minutes until the fish is cooked through.

I served this with traditional wedding delicacy ghee bhat, 75 gm rice cooked with a teaspoon of ghee and some salt, and steamed broccoli, for no particular reason. A delicious combination.

First, they get one of the most glamorous celebrity chefs to front a new programme on real-life cooking, forcing the wealthy advertising mogul’s wife to sack her housekeeper and do her own laundry.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, she also has to travel to the supermarket to do her own food shopping. Thank god for taxis and the upmarket Waitrose.

And then there’s the outrageous menu.

While the British Government peddles fears about an obesity crisis, we are lovingly shown how to create deep-fried suppers with garlic mayonnaise and a heavy mustard cream sauce to accompany pan-fried pork chops.

As the cream submerged the meat, the presenter sultrily said “comforting, elegant and easy”. Fattening came to mind.

What a disservice courtesy the nation’s public service broadcaster!

Here are my thoughts for the BBC’s future cooking programming: Real life cooking is done by real life people, who:

• Have full-time jobs, unpaid at home and paid at work, both exhausting
• Take public transport to food shops or drive – both are fraught with difficulty
• Are increasingly worrying about their diets and meals

I switched the programme off when the caramel croissant pudding was flagged up and made masala fish for dinner.

It takes 20 minutes to prepare and you can eat it with any vegetables or a salad. Real life cooking by a really normal person.

This recipes serves 2:

2 skinless and boneless fish fillets (I used salmon)

Juice of half a lemon

1 tsp chilli powder

1 tsp turmeric powder

Salt to taste

1 tsp butter (I used margarine that tastes like butter)

Turn the grill on to preheat it to a medium heat. In a little bowl combine the lemon juice, salt, turmeric and chilli powders to make a strong marinade.

Line a baking tray with kitchen foil and place the fish fillets on top. Drizzle the marinade all over and leave to rest for five minutes.

Then put half a teaspoon of butter on each fillet and place the baking tray under the grill for 10-12 minutes until the fish is cooked through but still moist.

I ate this with the jeera aloo I made earlier.

Alarm bells should have gone off when I read about the clientele “comprising of [sic] local Chelsea socialites and fashionable 20 / 30-somethings from surrounding media, production and design companies”.

But there we were. Asian Invasion 2007 of a bunch of under age, middle class toffs in the sans public transport wilderness that is Fulham, South West London. With a handful of French, Israeli and English party going friends thrown in for good measure.

Just as the night of lychee-mojito-drinking and outrageous dancing was drawing to a close, the manager decided to have a strong word with me. It was about the bad image I was portraying by resting my aching legs on the table 15 minutes before closing time.

Bad image? Mate – look around you. There are men and woman being sick and falling on their faces all over the dance floor! This is a nightclub, not a temple…

The following day, as I lifted the rock that was previously my head – I realised two things. 1) I am too old for this and 2) I need some serious TLC to get my body back from the brink.

So I did what I hardly ever do. I cooked fish. A whole rainbow trout – complete with head, fins and eyes. The healing power of oily fish needs no introduction and this delicious recipe takes barely 25 minutes from start to finish.

We made some channa salad on the side and ate most of it for dinner, saving some for leafy salad lunch at work the next day. It was heavenly and just what the doctor ordered. You may need to save this one for when recovery is of the essence.

This recipe serves two:

2 whole rainbow trouts, washed well

100 gm fresh coriander leave (a large bunch)

4 whole green chillies

4 garlic cloves

Quarter cup mustard oil

Juice of 1 lemon

Salt to taste

Preheat the grill to a medium heat.

In a blender, puree all the ingredients together bar the fish. Coat the fish evenly with the thick green masala and grill for 10 minutes on either side.

Armed with a oversized brolley coordinated with my monochrome outfit, I braved a 15-minute walk in the midst of a thunderstorm to locate my nearest sushi takeout.

It was worth it.

I don’t normally feel the same love for cabbage. But my mother, armed with a certain diligence and innate ability, always manages to purchase the nation’s least favourite vegetables for our weekday meals.

As we cooked a simple and delicious prawn and cabbage stir fry, known by Bengalis as bandha kopir thorkari, I thought about how under appreciated cabbage really is. Koreans love kim chi and Germans their version. Surely, Indian style cabbage is what will eventually win hearts and minds?

It sure got my vote. The dish was moist, subtle and absolutely delicious. We ate some for dinner and the rest straight out of the fridge the next day. Pair it with some ready rotis for a simple and healthy weekday meal.

This recipe serves 4:

1 medium cabbage, sliced into 1 cm wide strips

1 packet of ready-cooked shelled prawns

1 cup of shelled fresh or frozen peas

1 tbsp grated ginger

3 cloves of garlic, chopped fine

1 tsp cumin powder

1 tsp coriander powder

Half tsp turmeric powder

Half tsp chilli powder

1 large bay leaf

1 tsp whole cumin

25 gm fresh coriander, chopped roughly

2 whole slim green chillies

1.5 tsp sunflower oil

Salt to taste

Wash the cabbage thoroughly in cold water. In a large pot, heat the oil over a high flame.

When the oil is hot, add the bay leaf and cumin seeds. As they start sizzling, chuck in the shredded cabbage.

Stir fry the cabbage for two minutes and then add the turmeric, chilli, cumin and coriander powders. Fry for another two minutes on the high flame until the cabbage is well-coated with the masalas.

Now lower the flame to a medium heat, add the ginger and garlic, cover the pot and simmer until the cabbage is cooked. You don’t need to add any water.

The cabbage will take a good 20 minutes to soften. within 10 minutes of cooking, stir in the peas, prawns and green chillies.

When the cabbage is moist but without gravy and soft, take the lid off and mix in the fresh coriander.

Add salt to taste and enjoy hot or cold.

It’s been a while since I changed lightbulbs, used the hoover or fixed the fuse. I am also prone to leaving the iron on, back door open, forgetting my flat keys and/or mobile.

But the BIGGEST worry is that he’s taking the super cool, super professional digital camera with him. I lose my Chief Operating Officer, Chief Creative Consultant and the mean machine for what will be the longest three weeks ever.

After a brief fit and sulk, I agreed to be taught how to make the snappy snap digital camera function as its more techy counterpart for three weeks.

The model is question was prawn patia – a popular hot and sour Parsi prawn curry. My new colleague at work mentioned how much she loved this dish and I thought I would post the recipe for her. I served it with some khichdi – a simple lentil and rice dish.

Taking the photo was a bit tricky, but not as bad as I thought. The prawns were yummy though – isn’t that all that matters?

This recipe serves 2-3:

250gm large prawns (I used cooked frozen ones, thawed)

2 large tomatoes, chopped

2 medium onions, chopped

3 fat cloves of garlic, chopped

Half tsp turmeric

1 tsp coriander powder

1 tsp cumin powder

Half tsp chilli powder (more if you can handle it)

Half a cup of fresh coriander, chopped fine

1 tbsp vinegar

1 tsp sugar

2 tbsp oil

Salt to taste

Heat the oil and when hot, fry the onions until translucent. Add the garlic and continue to fry until pale brown.

Add all the spices, the vinegar, the tomatoes and fry until the pungent smell goes and the onions start disintegrating. You may need to keep adding a little add hot water to the pan to prevent the spices from sticking to the bottom and burning.

Add about half a cup of water to the mixture, stir in the coriander and simmer for about 15 minutes until the oil reappears through little pores in the mixture.

Now add in the prawns and salt to taste. Give them a good stir to ensure they are well coated and remove from the flame. This dish should not have too much gravy.