Quick Indian Cooking

Lost under an oversized “Dont Mess with Texas” T-shirt, I sank into our black, P Diddy-esque leather couch.

Sundays are the only time I’m quiet , reflective. Recovering from the ravages of Saturday night. Quietly freaking out about looming deadlines. Uncle Roy’s impending charity Indian ball. Christmas. Anything, really.

Hubby sits beside me having a crap movie fest, cherishing the rare silence. As my father-in-law tactfully put it, the only time the Basu sisters are quiet is when they are hungry or asleep.

How true. For I was craving something super healthy. But, far too fagged out to stir onions.

I remembered the banana leaves in the freezer. In a fit of total idiocy, I bought a massive pack when I really needed two leaves. Leaving no room in the drawer for essentials like frozen parathas and ice cream.

It was time to put them to good use with macher paturi, fish smothered in mustard, coriander and chilli, wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. It’s served on special occasions like weddings in West Bengal.

Wrenching myself away from the riveting Holloywood blockbuster that is Elektra, I returned 20 minutes later with a full plate and smug smile. I was going to be ready for that deep, meaningful conversation soon.

This recipe serves 2:

2 boneless and preferably skinless cod fillets

60 gm fresh coriander leaves

4 tsp wholegrain mustard

4 tsp mustard oil

4 small green finger chillies

2 green banana leaves

Salt to taste

Bring the kettle to boil with two cups of water. In a blender, puree all the ingredients with a teaspoon of water to get a light, grainy paste. Add enough salt to make it a strong marinade.

Smother the surface of each cod fillet with this paste and place on a washed banana leaf. Make a parcel, folding the leaf over each fillet evenly.

Place in a steamer (I used a covered colander over a pot) and steam for about 12 minutes until the fish is cooked through.

I served this with traditional wedding delicacy ghee bhat, 75 gm rice cooked with a teaspoon of ghee and some salt, and steamed broccoli, for no particular reason. A delicious combination.

I am astounded by the BBC’s double standards.

First, they get one of the most glamorous celebrity chefs to front a new programme on real-life cooking, forcing the wealthy advertising mogul’s wife to sack her housekeeper and do her own laundry.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, she also has to travel to the supermarket to do her own food shopping. Thank god for taxis and the upmarket Waitrose.

And then there’s the outrageous menu.

While the British Government peddles fears about an obesity crisis, we are lovingly shown how to create deep-fried suppers with garlic mayonnaise and a heavy mustard cream sauce to accompany pan-fried pork chops.

As the cream submerged the meat, the presenter sultrily said “comforting, elegant and easy”. Fattening came to mind.

What a disservice courtesy the nation’s public service broadcaster!

Here are my thoughts for the BBC’s future cooking programming: Real life cooking is done by real life people, who:

• Have full-time jobs, unpaid at home and paid at work, both exhausting
• Take public transport to food shops or drive – both are fraught with difficulty
• Are increasingly worrying about their diets and meals

I switched the programme off when the caramel croissant pudding was flagged up and made masala fish for dinner.

It takes 20 minutes to prepare and you can eat it with any vegetables or a salad. Real life cooking by a really normal person.

This recipes serves 2:

2 skinless and boneless fish fillets (I used salmon)

Juice of half a lemon

1 tsp chilli powder

1 tsp turmeric powder

Salt to taste

1 tsp butter (I used margarine that tastes like butter)

Turn the grill on to preheat it to a medium heat. In a little bowl combine the lemon juice, salt, turmeric and chilli powders to make a strong marinade.

Line a baking tray with kitchen foil and place the fish fillets on top. Drizzle the marinade all over and leave to rest for five minutes.

Then put half a teaspoon of butter on each fillet and place the baking tray under the grill for 10-12 minutes until the fish is cooked through but still moist.

I ate this with the jeera aloo I made earlier.

I am still recovering. One Sunday and three hectic work days later.

Alarm bells should have gone off when I read about the clientele “comprising of [sic] local Chelsea socialites and fashionable 20 / 30-somethings from surrounding media, production and design companies”.

But there we were. Asian Invasion 2007 of a bunch of under age, middle class toffs in the sans public transport wilderness that is Fulham, South West London. With a handful of French, Israeli and English party going friends thrown in for good measure.

Just as the night of lychee-mojito-drinking and outrageous dancing was drawing to a close, the manager decided to have a strong word with me. It was about the bad image I was portraying by resting my aching legs on the table 15 minutes before closing time.

Bad image? Mate – look around you. There are men and woman being sick and falling on their faces all over the dance floor! This is a nightclub, not a temple…

The following day, as I lifted the rock that was previously my head – I realised two things. 1) I am too old for this and 2) I need some serious TLC to get my body back from the brink.

So I did what I hardly ever do. I cooked fish. A whole rainbow trout – complete with head, fins and eyes. The healing power of oily fish needs no introduction and this delicious recipe takes barely 25 minutes from start to finish.

We made some channa salad on the side and ate most of it for dinner, saving some for leafy salad lunch at work the next day. It was heavenly and just what the doctor ordered. You may need to save this one for when recovery is of the essence.

This recipe serves two:

2 whole rainbow trouts, washed well

100 gm fresh coriander leave (a large bunch)

4 whole green chillies

4 garlic cloves

Quarter cup mustard oil

Juice of 1 lemon

Salt to taste

Preheat the grill to a medium heat.

In a blender, puree all the ingredients together bar the fish. Coat the fish evenly with the thick green masala and grill for 10 minutes on either side.

Today, I felt the desperate need for good sushi at lunchtime.

Armed with a oversized brolley coordinated with my monochrome outfit, I braved a 15-minute walk in the midst of a thunderstorm to locate my nearest sushi takeout.

It was worth it.

I don’t normally feel the same love for cabbage. But my mother, armed with a certain diligence and innate ability, always manages to purchase the nation’s least favourite vegetables for our weekday meals.

As we cooked a simple and delicious prawn and cabbage stir fry, known by Bengalis as bandha kopir thorkari, I thought about how under appreciated cabbage really is. Koreans love kim chi and Germans their version. Surely, Indian style cabbage is what will eventually win hearts and minds?

It sure got my vote. The dish was moist, subtle and absolutely delicious. We ate some for dinner and the rest straight out of the fridge the next day. Pair it with some ready rotis for a simple and healthy weekday meal.

This recipe serves 4:

1 medium cabbage, sliced into 1 cm wide strips

1 packet of ready-cooked shelled prawns

1 cup of shelled fresh or frozen peas

1 tbsp grated ginger

3 cloves of garlic, chopped fine

1 tsp cumin powder

1 tsp coriander powder

Half tsp turmeric powder

Half tsp chilli powder

1 large bay leaf

1 tsp whole cumin

25 gm fresh coriander, chopped roughly

2 whole slim green chillies

1.5 tsp sunflower oil

Salt to taste

Wash the cabbage thoroughly in cold water. In a large pot, heat the oil over a high flame.

When the oil is hot, add the bay leaf and cumin seeds. As they start sizzling, chuck in the shredded cabbage.

Stir fry the cabbage for two minutes and then add the turmeric, chilli, cumin and coriander powders. Fry for another two minutes on the high flame until the cabbage is well-coated with the masalas.

Now lower the flame to a medium heat, add the ginger and garlic, cover the pot and simmer until the cabbage is cooked. You don’t need to add any water.

The cabbage will take a good 20 minutes to soften. within 10 minutes of cooking, stir in the peas, prawns and green chillies.

When the cabbage is moist but without gravy and soft, take the lid off and mix in the fresh coriander.

Add salt to taste and enjoy hot or cold.